The last week or so

The last week or so have been the most productive I have seen in my life since I graduated college. It was sad to learn a month ago that I couldn't agree to a relationship that I have been having for almost 2 years now. It was also very difficult when earlier this month I learned that my only living grandfather had a severe stroke that caused paralysis on the left side of his body and forcing his right eye to droop. I don't know my grandfather very well, but I hear that he taught me how to walk when I was a baby. I guess if it wasn't for him, I would have started walking later in life. I have him to thank. I'm sure my parents have him to thank for that too, or maybe I am wrong. If I walked later in life, perhaps I wouldn't have driven my parents crazy by disappearing whenever they let me roam around.

Since what happened with my grandfather and the recent sad events, I am starting to take a different approach. I think one of the main reasons I can't have a relationship--a serious one is because I don't know myself at all. You can't love someone if you don't know them and you certainly can't love another person if you aren't able to love yourself. It's time to do some soul searching. I think it's also time to re-evaluate what I want in life. I'm in need to achieve the maximum capacity because right now, I'm young. Hehehe...

I recently met up with an acquaintance of mine, Max. Our lives seem to run parallel to each other. He recently broke up, and he just got his driver's license too. Hmm...*scratches chin* I got mine back in January this year. Anyway, we talked about acting and about keeping as busy as possible. I went to see his play Crazy Little Thing and during it, I shifted in my seat and heard a rip. :-( It was my pair of jeans that I had been wearing for the last 4-5 years. I guess it was going to happen sooner or later. I mean I already had a huge hole in the right pant leg. Maybe I'll turn it into some Hot Pants. :-) I'm convinced that I should start taking acting classes and start putting myself out there for auditions.

I'm currently working on a Science Fiction Feature Film in New York City called Transbeman. So until I am finished with this, I really can't submit myself to any Casting Directors. I guess I'll have to wait till this is done. But in the meantime, I've been submitting myself to several auditions through websites. I actually went to one audition this past Saturday and was cast in a student short film called The Plan. Shocking. I've only been to one audition! Doesn't it usually take 50 before you land a role?

I'm also pulling jobs out of my ass. I've gotten 4 calls about working as a PA, 3 calls for working as an electrician in Theatre and 1 call for a role in a student short film. :-\ I've said yes to 2 Theatre productions. One with Louis Lopardi, whom I work with every year on The Fresh Fruit Festival. I think this year it's going to be at the Cherry Lane. Then I've got a Fringe Festival Play. Something called Andrea Gothic.

My schedule is packed. I did spend $200 on clothes this Saturday. After auditioning, I had my watch battery replaced for my Tag Heuer. Then I went to H&M and Old Navy. I cannot stress how difficult it is to find jeans that fit for a woman!!!! The cuts for jeans and trousers are getting worse and worse for women. Nothing fits me comfortably. I like wearing jeans at the waist (belly button region). I hate it when they come out with jeans that are soo low that your cooch peeks out from the top. I don't know about you, but I like having my pants on. I don't like having them sliding off my ass or clinging to my ass. I like loose jeans and pants. Airy. No chafing then. And of course when the warm weather comes around, I can't wear any of these jeans because my sweat soaks the jeans and they become sticky thus causing me to take a 2nd shower in the day. How annoying and wasteful of time? I'm soo fucking upset about this. I think from now on, I will start shopping in the men's department for jeans. STUPID FUCKING DESIGNERS. Also stop making frilly clothing! I DON'T FUCKING LIKE LACE! I CERTAINLY DON'T LIKE CLOTHES THAT POOF OUT FROM THE BREASTS DOWN THAT THEY MAKE A PERSON LOOK LIKE THEY'RE 3 MONTHS PREGNANT. What the fuck is wrong with the world? FUCK YOU ALL AND YOUR STUPID CLOTHING DESIGNS. The only thing I need in my clothes are colours. I like colours...lots of them.