dead tired

today is the day that i break all the grammar rules. or as much as possible because i'm just too tired to capitalize and whatnot.

for the last 2 days i have been running on 5 hours of sleep. i guess it's my bad because i conditioned myself to have theatrical hours and it's not doing so well for me when i agree to take on working as a temp at a law firm. so i'm up at something like 3am in the morning trying to get some sleep. i get up at 7am to get to the office by 9. i get off at 6 to rush over to the theatre and run sound for 1 show and my day ends at something like 10:45 each night. the ride home from the subway is 1 hour. i usually fall asleep there and then drag my sorry ass up the stairs and to bed.

last night i saw a huge roach in my kitchen. i tried to kill it but was unsuccessful. i need a raid spray! i also need to buy more of that expanding foam sealant and pull out the fridge and find out where that hole is. keeping all the bugs out is not only tough, but almost a full time job. my brother was of no use last night. he just stood there watching the damned bug. i can't have a garbage bin in there for more than 1 day or else roaches would come in. cooking is fine. i just leave the window open and all the smell airs out. this sucks.

i'm tired and hungry at the same time. not to mention my day won't end today until late at night. how am i to survive? help!!

Sweeney Todd

My brother and I went to see Sweeney Todd yesterday for Christmas. It was lovely. Very bloody like the actual musical. I remember watching the version with Angela Lansbury as the Meat Pie lady. She had a wonderful accent and singing voice. It wasn't a very good filmed version, but then again I never enjoyed watching plays or musicals on the television. It seems empty. Like it is missing hundreds of pieces of furniture or props or people.

Tim Burton's style has always been to use the colours of black and white excessively and bringing high contrasting colours into that bleak world. Oh and pale characters. Johnny Depp is always soo pale in Burton's movies. I caught glimpses of Edward Scissorhands during one of the song montages. I like how bright and unrealistic the blood was as everyone's necks were being cut open. Everything else was pale blues, blacks, whites, etc.

The singing was very very nice. I had no idea all these actors can sing and sing well! Especially Johnny Depp. I had to constantly remind myself that he actually sang in a film musical when he was very young. Does anyone remember Cry Baby? Those tears and that voice. He has kept it well. Helena Bonham Carter surprised me because I had never heard her sing before. She seemed like the type of person who would sing punk music. I think her disturbing personas in Burton's movies have skewed my point of view of her. She's soo good at what she does --I just wish I could see her in more contrasting roles. The voice that surprised me the most? Alan Rickman. He had very few singing lines, but my god, the smoothness of his voice. I thought his speaking voice was good, because of not only the accent, but the way his voice reverberates. Bubbly comes to mind when I think of Alan Rickman's voice. It can be menacing or it can be extremely soothing. It's the way he slows down his speech and focuses on the endings of each word that gives me chills. Maybe his teeth scare me too. Then again, everyone's teeth in this movie scares me.

The movie itself is 2 hours long, but I did not look at my watch at all during the entire performance. That's a good thing with me. I normally look at my watch thinking when is this movie over or when will we get to the good part. I originally wanted to go watch Alvin and the Chipmunks because I grew up watching the cartoon. They introduced me to music. I used to listen to them sing Achy Breaky Heart and Beat It or The Purple People Eater. I think I made the right choice in going to watch Tim Burton's Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber on Fleet Street.

(Afterwards, in the subway station, I was standing at the DeKalb station and there was a sign that said "Fleet Street" and right underneath it was "Albee Square". I wonder if there is any relation to musicals and theatre right there.)

I have been looking for the lyrics to the movie soundtrack, but to no avail. Someone on IMDB said to buy the 80 page deluxe Soundtrack. I'll have to take a look into it.

Sick, sick, sick...

I am soo sick. For the last week I have been battling this cold/flu/head infection that I caught from Louis. He got it first, I was looking after him and in the midst, I caught it too. I guess it might as well be. Howie has it too now it seems. It's going around. During the Sunday performance I found out that another crew member was sick as well as one of our actor's. Anyway, it's progressing well. The cold started out slow.

It began in the throat for about 3 days. Then it progressed to the nose and I've been clogged since. My ears are constantly off and it's now moving south to my chest. I'm getting the feeling of drowning in my own phlegm. It's not fun because it wakes me up in the middle of the night constantly. I sit up, cough up a lung, and then get back to sleep. I just hope it didn't bother Louis last night. I tried not coughing much or only when needed. I remember it being 3 times. I wish I could spit the phlegm out, but every time I try, I vomit a little. I've had this trouble since I was a kid. Louis says I'm getting better faster than he is considering that mine is already a chest cold.

I heal faster than normal. It's my auto-immune disease that I have. Psoriasis. The first sign of unbalance, my immune system goes into overdrive to battle the bad.

Winter Blues

I'm soo tired. For the past few weeks I have incorporated the Theatrical lifestyle and my days are now starting from noon to about 3am. So when I was called by my Temp Agency about the law firm I was working at that they needed me again for Thursday, I perked up. Little did I know that this required me sleeping at midnight, which is the time that I get home when I'm running a show. That caused a lot of problems. I ended up watching the original Battlestar Galactica series since I have the internet installed now. It's pretty interesting I must say. I wonder if the remake is better.

Working on Edward II has been an entirely brand new experience. The reason I say this is because I've been able to see what it really is like for a sound operator. They not only press the Go button, but they have the troubleshoot the system as well. Thus they need to have a working knowledge of the equipment and whatnot. We are constantly trying to perfect each performance. I'm really enjoying it. I learn something new every day and it's never the same issue that I have to deal with each night. Plus, I work with a great set of team mates. Of course the running joke is that I'm the youngest out of everyone in the team. I just turned 25. How does that make me feel? Great actually...but also that I deserve it I guess. Seeing as I put in two years learning about theatre from scratch and then throwing myself into the deep end of things and learning as well as making things work at the same time.

I'm just really tired and I think I caught Louis' cold. The past week, Louis' throat has swollen up causing him to have trouble breathing when he's lying down. He's also very congested nasally. I'm feeling kind of dry where the throat meets the nasal passage. I wonder if it's because I've been trying to take care of him. I got him some nasal decongestant medicine. There's a new policy now in drug stores. You have to have your ID information entered into the database when you purchase Pseudoephedrine HCI and you have to sign an agreement about the misuse of the product could result in a $250,000 fine as well as jail time. This is insane! I've never heard of this before. I asked the cashier why all the security and she told me that people are using the active ingredient in this product to make Crystal Meth. I had no idea. I don't even take aspirin for my headaches.

I GOT SHIT ON BY A PIGEON ON THE Q SUBWAY PLATFORM AT AVENUE U.

Day old post

All was going well this morning when I woke at 7:30am. I got my dirty laundry together and went to the laundromat. Then I made lunch and possibly dinner for myself and tossed them into a plastic container.

I listened to Louis Armstrong and Mozart on the record player. I was able to get to the theatre early. I'm on top of my game.

Not Enough To Do On the Web

There is absolutely nothing more to do on the web! I've checked Facebook. I've checked my emails. Now I'm posting yet another entry into my blog. No one reads this. I don't know why I'm doing this. I'm bored.

My brother has just informed me that he will be staying with me during his winter break. That's fine for me. I just need to find a way to get keys to him. That means I need to make keys because Mom has taken the 2nd set of keys. At least there will be someone in the apartment other than me. It's all good.

I'm seriously considering getting a cat to keep me company in the apartment. It will also force me to stay there more often rather than stay at Louis' place. Maybe I should get curtains first before getting a cat. Not curtains. Blinds. Cats won't be scratching at the blinds then. Blinds. It's settled. When I get the time to get blinds that is. I'm exhausted.

I just watched Taboo with Amber Benson, Eddie Kaye Thomas, and Nick Stahl last night. Twisted movie. Creepy and disgusting. I dropped in in the mail this morning as soon as I could.

I found a rubber band long enough to wrap around the turntable. It works!!! I think I need a tighter one, but I'm sure I can find that at Staples. That's a reminder to myself. Visit Staples or other stationery stores to find larger rubber bands. I think it's funny that a rubber band could have worked. Why hasn't anyone thought about using these than specially made belts for the turntables???

I'M ALSO EXTREMELY SLEEPY RIGHT NOW.

I have to pee...

It's what I am thinking at the moment while we are working through Act 2 of Edward II. *sigh*

I went to a Film Forum interview to be an Administrative Assistant there, however the position has been awarded to someone else. Bummer. I am not sure why I feel soo upset by this, but I am. I'm starting to feel as if no one will hire me as a full time employee. Probably because my employment track record is soo short. I don't normally stay in one position for too long...mostly because I'm a freelancer. I was working as a freelancer for the independent film industry and as a freelancer you try to keep employed as long as possible, but if the project ends, how can you say that it continued for 2 years? You can't obviously. So it looks like you keep quitting and people keep hiring you or you get fired which is entirely not the case. I'm hoping for a full time job because I want to increase my financial status.

I'm feeling financially insecure at the moment because I have a boyfriend now and I don't want him to think that he has to support me. I want to still be able to support myself. I will continue to apply for full time office positions because I believe that something will come along and I will be hired. I just need to keep at it. Maybe if I got even a part-time gig working in a store for more than 2 years will help.

Also, I just worked at Theatre for the New City out in the East Village. I should put that down on my resume. That's a reminder to myself.

I just read that Tim Berners Lee is the inventor of the Worldwide Web. He's British. Funny how most Americans think that the internet was invented by an American. I think Louis told me that Bell Labs invented the internet. This disproves the notion. I'm reading Angels and Demons by Dan Brown and this is how I came to the information. TBL is pretty much the Chair of 3Com of which my father worked for. I think that is pretty cool and I wonder if he has met him.

Playwright's Horizons and Edward II

I have a job! I have a job! I'm working Off-Broadway! Moving up in the world! I'm very excited at the opportunity to work Off-Broadway. I am witnessing something very rare here. People actually know what they are doing! It's nothing like off-off-broadway. It's a bit like watching a film crew do their work and understand the limits and what can be done and what can't.

I'm also making contacts in the process. Everyone is professional and thus far very kind. I met a few of the actors. They are all scrumptious. Wonderful people. No large egos and no divas as far as I am concerned.

I hope to work with them again in the future. I can't wait till they open. I hope lots of people come to see the play.

---

Just a few notes about recently. I just read the book "The Fuck-Up" and I must say, I'm never going to pick up and read another Urban Fiction novel again. It was horrible. I want a book where it doesn't take me 1 day to finish. What is the fun in that? I want something where I can be completely into it and that I won't breeze through. The writing was mediocre and the spelling was worse. Urban Fiction is the trashy romance genre for the young generation of the 21st century.

---

The ride into town was wonderful on the Q Train. I am in the middle of cleaning up my library and the books on my shelf. I took "Angels & Demons" by Dan Brown from my brother a few years ago. I wanted to read the beginning of Robert Langdon. I'm torn about this book. I'm wondering how much of this book is bullshit and how much is not. The only thing I can assume is that the names and titles are true, and everything else is fabricated. I'm on the train at about 12:30pm and reading when from behind me I hear a man getting very upset about something. I notice people all start looking in that direction. The man is becoming very aggravated by this woman who apparently stepped on his pants (baggy jeans) and his duffel bag. It gets to the point where the woman moves to another seat --obviously trying to avoid a confrontation. This man just constantly bombards this woman and now has moved to the man sitting across the way. He starts yelling about how it is disrespectful for someone to step on their pants. He accuses the man across the way of enabling the woman. It gets to the point where the man across the way says "Just leave it alone." and "Everyone just wants to go to work in peace." and "No one is talking to you." It has gotten to the point where another person has now entered the scene. This guy I think was a detective of some sort. He pulled out of his back pocket, a leather case --which I'm assuming is his badge. Then he asked the aggravated man who is now standing and getting in both these people's faces if he wants to be arrested. If he does not want to be arrested, then he should sit down and be quiet. This goes on for about 5-6 stops. The aggravated man finally gets off with the detective at DeKalb.

I have never in all my time living in New York City seen anything quite like this. Riding the train is normally uneventful. I'm usually sleeping on the train, listening to my music, or reading. It's really that boring. But this was exciting. I'm glad it didn't escalate to the point where people were fighting, but it's an interesting way to start off the day.

Delirium Tremens

December 1, I went to Williamsburg because I was invited to an Evening of One Acts by The New Company Theatre. Let's see, who was there? Kayla, Mike, Kaseem, Matt, and Max. Those were the people that I know of. Everyone else were strangers. Blehh...

I had no idea it was being held at Max's place. But Kayla said that the beer was free for me so I drank. What I neglected to do was to eat something between 2pm and 10pm of when I was there. Hmm...and then I downed 8 bottles of beer! Eugh...

I safely got onto the Q train, but missed my stop because I passed out. I'm glad that my wallet was not stolen nor was I harmed. As the Q train was pulling into the Coney Island station at 2:30am (last stop), I lifted my head and felt the need to burp. I didn't just burp. I vomited. All over my lap, the floor, and the cell phone ear piece I saw on the floor. Needless to say, I was completely wasted and sick and gone. I wanted my bed. I didn't dare move from the train and hoped to God that it was just going to head back to Manhattan and not out of commission. The train did start moving and once we were at Avenue U, I darted up and ran out the door. Of course that was the wrong move to make. I instantly felt queasy again and sat on the bench available in the station for a good 10 minutes before getting up again and making my way out. I got as far as 15th Street and threw up again. This time it was just bile.

The next morning was no better. In fact, it was worse. I woke up still feeling nauseated. Not only that but I suffered what Louis calls the DTs. I looked it up on Wikipedia and this is the information I got:

"Delirium tremens (colloquially, the DTs, "the horrors", "the shakes" or "rum fits;" literally, "shaking delirium" or "trembling madness" in Latin) is an acute episode of delirium that is usually caused by withdrawal or abstinence, from alcohol following habitual excessive drinking, or benzodiazepines or barbiturates (and other minor tranquilizers)."

Symptoms include: "The main symptoms are confusion, disorientation and agitation. Other common symptoms include intense hallucinations such as visions of insects, snakes or rats (or stereotypically, pink elephants). These may be related to the environment, e.g., drawings on wallpaper that the patient would perceive as giant spiders attacking him or her. Unlike hallucinations associated with schizophrenia, delirium tremens hallucinations are primarily visual, but associated with tactile hallucinations such as sensations of something crawling on the subject - a phenomenon known as formication...DT has extreme autonomic hyperactivity (high pulse, blood pressure, and rate of breathing), and 35-60% of patients have a fever."

Let's just say that day was a day of rest for me. I was at Louis' place for the day and he basically took care of me. I can't say enough about Louis. He's intelligent, truthful and honest, caring, and a wonderful friend. When I broke up with my last lover/boyfriend, I thought it was the end of the world. I had never experienced such a depressing moment. But I now know there was a very good reason it would have never worked out and that is because there are better people in the world that I could be with and Louis is at the moment the best. Aww Hell, we're the same size, so we exchange clothing items. I'm wearing his belt and he mine. We also have this weird connection and will appear in almost the matching outfits. Best of all, we take care of each other. If I knew Louis was sick, I'd sacrifice what I wanted to do and take care of him and he's taken care of me a few times already. I have nothing to complain about right now.

New Home

So I'm moving Tuesday. I'm moving closer to Louis. He's just 3 avenues away from me now. It's all nice and furnished now. I have a futon in the living room and a daybed in the 2nd bedroom and a queen's sized bed in the master. At least this way when my parents and my brother comes over, they will have a place to stay. That is if my brother wants to come over at all. Oh well.

It's really nice, it's a corner apartment and it's 1 block from the subway train. I'm really excited about it. I'll be living alone too and having the peace and quiet and finally a desk to work at.

I have noticed that I have not been keeping up with my studying and just not been sharpening my tools mainly because I work off of either my bed or the coffee table in the living room. Before it was off the floor which was worse. Now I'll be able to work off an actual desk and be able to work on Photoshop stuff and research. No more moving my computer here and there. It stays in one place. I'm also thinking of getting a desktop now because I want my laptop to specifically be my work computer. Have nothing on it. No music, no video, nothing else but work documents. The home computer is what I will call the desktop, will be my plethora of play things.

I'm just so excited that I will be able to have some quiet time when I get home from work. That's all I really want. Quiet time from work. I like having room mates, but a lot of times when I come home to see a lot of people in the apartment, I just get aggravated. I want to have a calm place to settle down after a long hard day. That's all. Maybe even crash on the sofa.

Here's to a new beginning.

Been a while...

In between the last few months since I have posted has been a crazy wild ride. I've spent most of my time with Louis which is very good. It is good because he's still not sick to death of me yet. We have had wonderful nights talking and he's been teaching me how to analyze text as an actor. I have learned the 3 addresses in a monologue. More people continue to come to me for Technical Theatrical work, which is alright, but I'm learning to say no when they offer $0. I'm also learning to be a Technical Director and have even gotten my Theatre and Film Studio Fireguard license!!! Yea for me!!! Vivian will save you all in the event of a fire. Louis and I make a great team. When Louis is unable to be present, I take over, and not fuck up. Things are working out wonderfully so far.

Say Your Prayers, Mug! was an awesome play and if you missed it, then that's your bad luck. Most people probably wouldn't have been able to get in anyway since a good majority of the nights the house was completely full. Many people laughed...some people got really into it and took it too seriously, but all in all, it was well written, well acted, well designed, and well directed. Kudos to Playwright and Director Todd Michaels. I had a wonderful blast and I hope to work with him again in the future.

I'm still going to meetings at A Company Of Players Monday nights at Shetler/Bridge Theatre. I learned a great deal about finding your light on stage, diction, vocal support, and all the goodness that comes from an experienced man in professional NY theatre of the last 30 years.

I'm not sure how this winter will fare. I'll still be office temping. I'll still be working for theatre during the evenings. In between I'll try to squeeze in a hug and kiss from Louis. I just need a cheap place to live.

Free Chocolate TV anyone?

Great Evening

After work, I met up with Louis in the East Village. He was attending a reading of Say Your Prayers, Mug at The Red Room above the Kraine Theatre. I'm supposed to help him out with the running of the show.

The play sounds really funny and interesting. I must send word out for it when it does go up. The Red Room is a nice little theatre. It's equipped with soo many things from projector screens sound speakers, lights, and all. It's a great little black box.

Not to mention Louis is incredible in Theatre. I bet you anything that he could act, direct, design lights, sound, set, and then have it become a hit. I'd say that Louis understand theatre and the workings of the human psyche rather than following the forms and rules of theatrical theory. He is extremely pragmatic. I can't say enough about Louis and I'm thrilled to be considered a part of his team, both for upcoming productions he's involved with and for his new endeavor, A Company Of Players.

Crazy Dream

So I'm standing there staring at the sky. The Sun is high and it's beautiful. Then out of the blue, I see the sun being eclipsed. I know I should look away, but I felt compelled to stare at it. This black hole with a glowing ring around it. It didn't even look like a real eclipse. It was a black blob really with a glowing ring around. The ring was reddish orange and it was soo bright and tangible. I felt as if the more I stared into it, the closer it got. It was beautiful and yet disturbing at the same time. Then I get news from other people around me that the sun is being destroyed right now. Some black mass is killing the Sun--suffocating it--eating it up. This is where my emotions get all twisted up. I felt sick...sick to my stomach at myself. The Sun is dying and I'm just standing there marveling at the destruction. I could have been finding out why. How to help the situation. But rather than doing that, I stood there watching it. Then the glowing ring faded into nothing. I wanted to take a shower so I did. Or well, attempted to. I tried turning on the water, but it was constantly cold. Apparently in this world, the water was heated by the Sun. Without it, the water would stay icy. With that, I sat there with the water running through the tap and I just felt soo hopeless. Desolate. Helpless.
Last night's dream really put me through the ringer. I know I was bit by several things last night. Perhaps a mosquito. Perhaps a poison mosquito that forced me to have hallucinations or realistic dreams??? I don't know. Mosquitoes love me...especially when I sleep...all over my feet and my hands and arms. Funny thing is last night, I didn't feel any bumps. It could have been a spider too. I've seen those in my room sometimes. I never kill them because spiders eat mosquitoes, but maybe it was poisonous. Didn't find anything in bed, nor did I feel anything different other than being really tired.

Navigate

This weekend has been dedicated to doing nothing and just milling about.
I am reading Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows. I'm about 1/6 through with the book already and I just began reading it Saturday evening. It's quite addictive. I waited until the last book came out before I read the Half Blood Prince because I didn't want to wait. I wanted to read it through. Now, I'll have to go back and read books 1-7 in completion. I think the effect will be different.

I also took my bike out this weekend for some heavy trekking. Saturday, because the weather was nice and not humid and just generally pleasant, I rode it all the way down to Coney Island. I used my sense of navigation rather than use a map or a compass. I figure if I know some of the subway stops, I could maneuver my way around. I was able to get onto the other side of the Belt Parkway and ride alongside the water until Toys R Us. It took me about a total of 1 1/2 hours to get there and then back. On my way back, I caught a glimpse of 2 accidents. One where the fire fighters came and were trying to open the hood of a minivan. Another where I saw a man lying on a stretcher. And of course, I almost was run over on 4th Avenue and 19th Street by some guy who wasn't looking in front of him. He came within 5 inches from my bike. The good thing is that he wasn't moving very quickly. He had just pulled into the side and was about to pull out again.

Sunday I cleaned the kitchen. It was very very messy. And then waited till the sun wasn't too hot to take another bike ride. I have never ridden my bike to Williamsburg, so I thought I would give that a try. I got lost. With no cell phone on me and no compass, I went around in a circle before I hit Bedford Stuyvesant and realised I had gotten to the Bedford Nostrand stop on the G train. From there on out, I knew exactly where I was going. Getting there took me about 1 1/2 hours, but getting back only took 40 minutes. Really about the same time as it takes me to go over the Manhattan bridge from Park Slope. I do the ride without stopping now. It's pretty incredible that it only took me a short while to develop the stamina and endurance. I must be in pretty good shape. I have the drive...now all I have to do is apply it to my career and where that is going.

I signed up to Facebook today. I got several emails from friends and colleagues to join. So I did. I originally deleted the account because I did not want to be associated with Pace University. I have the option to not be a part of it now. It's a relief to also see that anyone can sign up to Facebook now. I felt it was detrimental for it to only be available to students and those with an email address that ended with EDU. There's a lot of new things now. Little applications that I've just put on my page. It's fun. Now if MySpace had something like that. I found out that my brother, stepsisters are all using it. Oh well...I guess I'll just have to join the crowd.

The last week or so

The last week or so have been the most productive I have seen in my life since I graduated college. It was sad to learn a month ago that I couldn't agree to a relationship that I have been having for almost 2 years now. It was also very difficult when earlier this month I learned that my only living grandfather had a severe stroke that caused paralysis on the left side of his body and forcing his right eye to droop. I don't know my grandfather very well, but I hear that he taught me how to walk when I was a baby. I guess if it wasn't for him, I would have started walking later in life. I have him to thank. I'm sure my parents have him to thank for that too, or maybe I am wrong. If I walked later in life, perhaps I wouldn't have driven my parents crazy by disappearing whenever they let me roam around.

Since what happened with my grandfather and the recent sad events, I am starting to take a different approach. I think one of the main reasons I can't have a relationship--a serious one is because I don't know myself at all. You can't love someone if you don't know them and you certainly can't love another person if you aren't able to love yourself. It's time to do some soul searching. I think it's also time to re-evaluate what I want in life. I'm in need to achieve the maximum capacity because right now, I'm young. Hehehe...

I recently met up with an acquaintance of mine, Max. Our lives seem to run parallel to each other. He recently broke up, and he just got his driver's license too. Hmm...*scratches chin* I got mine back in January this year. Anyway, we talked about acting and about keeping as busy as possible. I went to see his play Crazy Little Thing and during it, I shifted in my seat and heard a rip. :-( It was my pair of jeans that I had been wearing for the last 4-5 years. I guess it was going to happen sooner or later. I mean I already had a huge hole in the right pant leg. Maybe I'll turn it into some Hot Pants. :-) I'm convinced that I should start taking acting classes and start putting myself out there for auditions.

I'm currently working on a Science Fiction Feature Film in New York City called Transbeman. So until I am finished with this, I really can't submit myself to any Casting Directors. I guess I'll have to wait till this is done. But in the meantime, I've been submitting myself to several auditions through websites. I actually went to one audition this past Saturday and was cast in a student short film called The Plan. Shocking. I've only been to one audition! Doesn't it usually take 50 before you land a role?

I'm also pulling jobs out of my ass. I've gotten 4 calls about working as a PA, 3 calls for working as an electrician in Theatre and 1 call for a role in a student short film. :-\ I've said yes to 2 Theatre productions. One with Louis Lopardi, whom I work with every year on The Fresh Fruit Festival. I think this year it's going to be at the Cherry Lane. Then I've got a Fringe Festival Play. Something called Andrea Gothic.

My schedule is packed. I did spend $200 on clothes this Saturday. After auditioning, I had my watch battery replaced for my Tag Heuer. Then I went to H&M and Old Navy. I cannot stress how difficult it is to find jeans that fit for a woman!!!! The cuts for jeans and trousers are getting worse and worse for women. Nothing fits me comfortably. I like wearing jeans at the waist (belly button region). I hate it when they come out with jeans that are soo low that your cooch peeks out from the top. I don't know about you, but I like having my pants on. I don't like having them sliding off my ass or clinging to my ass. I like loose jeans and pants. Airy. No chafing then. And of course when the warm weather comes around, I can't wear any of these jeans because my sweat soaks the jeans and they become sticky thus causing me to take a 2nd shower in the day. How annoying and wasteful of time? I'm soo fucking upset about this. I think from now on, I will start shopping in the men's department for jeans. STUPID FUCKING DESIGNERS. Also stop making frilly clothing! I DON'T FUCKING LIKE LACE! I CERTAINLY DON'T LIKE CLOTHES THAT POOF OUT FROM THE BREASTS DOWN THAT THEY MAKE A PERSON LOOK LIKE THEY'RE 3 MONTHS PREGNANT. What the fuck is wrong with the world? FUCK YOU ALL AND YOUR STUPID CLOTHING DESIGNS. The only thing I need in my clothes are colours. I like colours...lots of them.

Life as a Background

Well, recently I've been working not as a Production Assistant. But as a background actor. In fact, I've been in 3 television shows already! First in Ft. Pit. You may just be able to see me in the background inside the police precinct.

Then I had a walking bit on The Sopranos. Of which, my roommate, Morgan, suggested that I bring a gun and start shooting up the set. To go along with it, yell out "How dare you steal Infernal Affairs!". I met a lot of other Chinese Americans. Old, young, and all with American accents rather than Chinese accents. It was a night shoot in the freezing rain right before it turned to ice. It was brutal. I got home at 2AM only to find out that I had to be on the set of another show in Yonkers by 10AM.

Yep, I had to get up at 4:30am to catch the courtesy bus to Yonkers in the UWS. You can actually see me in the background of the court room. I'm to be called back for 3 more days! Yea! I'm getting paid and being fed.

I know, I know, being an extra or background actor is not really "acting". But then again it does pay the bills and I can put it on my acting resume, which ain't bad. The more credits I collect, then I can send those head shots of mine to other casting directors. Get into some non-union film. I've realised that being SAG may not be such a good choice. Once you're a SAG member, I've learned from other actors, is a double edged sword. You get paid more for being a background actor, but you get less work because you get paid more. And you won't be able to act in any non-union films, which means you will have less creative choices. It just means that you're bound to only work in signatory projects. It sucks because let's say there's a brilliant script out there and you want to do it, but it's a non-union film. Then you're shit out of luck and other actors will get to act in it, and not you. Oh well...I think I'll stay non-union then.


I also think I should stick working in Production. At least that way, you get to know the producers, directors, and you get to speak to the principal actors without having them look at you as low-lifes.

Purple Folder

Craaaap!!! I lost my purple clear folder! It had my timecard in it. Grrr...I will probably have to get that re-done. I have my copy of it...maybe I can trace it and no one will notice. Alright Viv...calm down...

I think I might have left it at the Big Little Theatre. Otherwise, who would steal such a thing??? I mean it's available at Staples for crying out loud!

I've got to stop having these long nights where I get to bed at 1am. It's really tough when you're at work and your eyes are rolling backwards because your body wants to sleep.

What do you mean you can't tell if it's a sinus infection or not?

So the doctor at Roosevelt Hospital shined a light into my nose and still wasn't able to tell me whether I had a sinus infection or not. I mean it's weird, but the swelling went down and I don't look like I had a stroke on the right side of my face anymore, but it still was painful when I pressed down. I went to the dentist, they took an x-ray. They said it wasn't a cavity. If the pain is still here and it hasn't gotten better, the doctor will order a cat scan. Can you imagine how expensive that is???

I'm thinking of going back to work at Barnes and Noble just for the sake of having health insurance again. I could work there part-time and still be able to take care of myself for a minimal cost. That just means I will have to work 7 days a week, but....health insurance!!!! There is a Barnes and Noble in Park Slope where I live so I'm thinknig of working there. Maybe I can work in the Cafe again.

I am very wary of doing this play of mine that I have just been cast. The director/producer says that if I don't bring in people to see it, he will cancel it that very night. Sounds sketchy...but the company seem legit. I think he may just be doing it to make money for himself and that he's hiring just anyone who walks in. My roommate, Morgan, brought up the point that he may not have been casting good actors, just anyone who wanted to act. There are too many scam artists out here and I'm sick of it. I recognise most scam artists, but those who don't ask for money from you, I figured it's better right? Is that really true? And I have no one I trust to go to for this.

Sinusitis

Eughh....this is the weirdest sinus infection I have to date. The last time I had a sinus infection, I was 12 and it was all over my cheeks. Left and right. It was soo bad that I couldn't even sleep at night. The pain....the swelling....the post nasal drip. Ewww...
Well this time it's a little different. I think it was caused by my cold and the fact that I had an infected tooth that was removed. It's in the same location. Well, it's right between my right nostril and my cheekbone. It's all swollen and very painful. It only hurts when I smile. :-( The dentist took an x-ray of my teeth and said that I didnt' have any bad ones. The symptoms all point to it being a sinus infection. This sucks big time. Well, I guess it was going to happen since it's been 2 years being out of college and having only had 1 instance where I got health insurance. Maybe I could go to work at Barnes and Noble in Park Slope during the weekends only to get health insurance. I don't have anything to do during the weekends anyway.

But the good news here is that I have been called back from one of my auditions. Yea! I was at the Big Little Theatre and the director wanted me to come back the day after. He wants me to write a few lines for the monologue. Yeah, it's weird and I don't know why. But that's what I'm going to do and he said he'd work with me on it. :-\
The second is for a New York Film Academy Short Film. I'm going to play The Nurse. It's going to be silly madness in this video. It's called "Pregnancy Surprise".
I told my father about this and he had only good things to say to me. He said that it was great news and that he knew I would succeed and that he had confidence in me. His words right there mean more to me than anything I've ever gotten from him. This will definitely be enough to fuel my own confidence when going out to audition and trying to get jobs.

That was my weekend. Oh, and watched Pan's Labyrinth this weekend. In fact, it was on Saturday that I watched it and right in the middle of the movie that's when my sinus infection flared up and I almost passed out from the pain. Never a dull moment in this girl's life. One thing after another. The movie really scared me and yet touched me at the same time. Scary and Sad. I have to say that there is one scene where I think it was just thrown in there for the sake of seeing a monster come to life. It was really unnecessary. I did think the action sequences were done very well. I really shuddered when I saw them shooting people in the head with guns and the blade scene.

Finished Wrapping

So the movie has wrapped. I'm working at a national legal firm as a temp for the time being. I had trouble getting into the office today. I get a call from a former employer asking if I can work today and of course I can't because I'm in the temp office already. I feel like I'm behind bars. Why am I a slave to money? I wish I wasn't dependent on money. I wish I was living in the East Village in the 70s because you could work for spit at that time.

So I'm at Osric's magic eight ball online. I asked the question of whether The Guitar will fair well and the answer I received was: "Don't count on it." Yikes...well especially since I didn't receive the last 2 week's pay while I was there. This is ridiculous.

I need to get back into working in the entertainment industry. FAST...but Backstage is being a bitch. 6 months ago I tried to subscribe online and it gave me an internal 500 error. Now I'm just stuck using Mandy and Playbill. At least for the time being. Until they respond to my email and my voicemail. *sigh*

That's pretty much all I can do. *sigh* *sigh* *sigh*